You are all nice enough to read my blog every Monday and here I am paying you back by releasing one on a Tuesday. I offer an apology and an explanation.
The explanation is that yesterday I forgot that I was the adult and that the kids’ lives should not rule mine. I’ve always thought I was doing a good job of preserving my adult identity but sometimes I seem to lose the plot. It is not the fault of the children. We are the adults, after all.
My parents taught us that a couple should go out without the children at least once, if not twice, a week. Brian and I pulled this off for seventeen years until Danielle started high school. Five years later, we often find ourselves at games and other child-centered events on weekend evenings. Somewhere along the way, we adults forgot that children should see their parents going out with other adults and making being an adult a priority. It is our fault that we have allowed events to take place after 6 pm on weekends for our younger children. I even lost the battle for Sunday mornings during football season, a time that was seen as sacrosanct until this generation.
Meals have become another disaster. No one seems to be home at the same time, so a fresh meal is only fresh for a chosen one or two, depending on the night. Last night the three older kids did their best to put dinner on the table before I arrived home from the baseball field at 8:30. Things went awry and we ended up eating after 9 pm. I both congratulate my kids on their self-sufficiency and secretly mourn that I am not able to be in the kitchen on a regular basis to cook (which I love) for the people I love.
Education comes before all in our house, even sports. I completely respect that coaches, like Brian, volunteer many hours for our kids but I have always made it clear that if a child misbehaves, disrespects or does poorly in school, I will pull him or her from a game. Harsh? Maybe. Negotiable. No.
Our schools have “e-chalk”, a site where a student and his parents are able to see all homework assignments and scheduled tests and quizzes. I joke about never having been on the site, as I never bothered to receive a username and password. It is not that I don’t care, but rather the complete opposite. My job is to be a mom and a wife and a volunteer and a business owner. The children’s job is to be a student and a person of good moral character. I will spend hours helping them review for a test if asked, but otherwise, I expect them to do what is asked of them.
I drink soda, you kids may not. You have Facebook when you are 14 and I must be your first friend. You act inappropriately on the Internet and you will only be allowed to use your computer for schoolwork, in my presence. You want to keep your door closed at all times. Tough.
You forgot to tell me that you need a new white shirt for your concert. I will get you one ASAP. You lost your homework, your calculator, and your earrings. I may not replace those, but I will respect that you are having a bad day. You need help with a teacher. I will set up a meeting for the three of us. Someone hurt your feelings. I will say nice things while I secretly want to hurt that someone back.
This whole parenting thing is really just another type of dance. Some days we get all of the steps right and we leave the dance floor with unblemished feet. Other days, we don’t.
Yesterday, I danced a polka even though the music demanded a waltz. Today is another day.
Have a wonderful week.